Peter Pan Syndrome

All my life I have suffered with an acute case of Peter Pan Syndrome. Normally this condition only applies to men, as it is defined as an adult male who never grew up and still exhibits social habits of a boy. Though I am not a man, I have always considered myself something of an adult-child. I was totally comfortable living at home til I was 23 and probably wouldn't mind it if I was still living there. I enjoy games and working with kids because I have a childlike quality that is prevalent in my personality. I also never realistically thought about or hoped for my future. When I was younger I wanted to be on Broadway and have my name in lights. The biggest issue with making that dream come true were my lack of dance skills. In dance calls, I always showed tons of enthusiasm and hoped that overshadowed the fact that I actually had no idea what I was doing. I think I always knew dancing wasn't going to happen, so I never really thought about my future as a performer in the way that some people think about their futures. Even being in school now to become a teacher, I never really longed for my own classroom or students or adult life. Until now.

This year is going to be a busy one for me. Right now life is highly chaotic in every possible way. School six days a week, homework from all of my classes, steady work 3 days a week, plus almost always weekend jobs. Also, for the next ten days I am taking care of a friends dog so that means walks every morning and every night. After all of my priorities are taken care of, then I get to try to have something of a social life. And maybe get a little sleep. Or eat. Now I know that everyone is busy. I am not special in that I have a busy life. But its still hard. I am, for the first time, trying to live financially independent. So (besides my tuition) I pay for rent, transportation, food, tampons, everything. I also understand that a lot of people my age do that, but throwing school in the mix doesn't give me much time for work. But I do work every chance I get. When people offer me jobs like walking dogs or babysitting kids I say yes 90% of the time. I hustle hard to get the small amount of money that I can live off of. It's very tiring.

Yesterday after waking up at 6:30, walking the dog by 8, having class at 9, having work at 12, and walking the dog again at 7 with little to no breaks I was totally beat. And I was on my way to my own house-warming party so that meant no sleep til late. So I was walking along and a very surprising thought popped into my head. I can't wait to have a regular teaching job, a set schedule, a salary with some nice benefits, and maybe a family. I've never had that thought in my entire life. I've never had that weird yearning to grow up. But now I can't wait til the days of regularity happen. Believe it or not, its not a thrill to work and school 12 hours a day and still sometimes not know where your next meal is coming from or how you're going to pay your rent. It sounds very romantic and exciting in a way. Very New York. But actually it sucks a whole lot. I can't wait for my life to be the life of a fully functioning adult. I just need to stick it out for three and a half semesters and then I get to start. But some tips for how to survive the next year and half of hustling and panicking would be super helpful.