Just Go With It

I like to consider myself a go with the flow type of person. I like to have a plan and I enjoy organized fun, but if something throws that plan off kilter, I am pretty good at adjusting and celebrating the alteration. When I was probably 5 or 6, this lesson was taught to me in an extreme way.

My family used to have a house in Yulen, NY which is near Woodstock. It was a decent sized house on top of a hill and on the bottom of that hill was a lake with a big dock. At the house we also had a swing set, a hammock, and a swimming pool. But none of that actually matters to the story. During the spring, my parents had set out to get the house repainted. I think it was red or brown or something when we moved in, I don't really remember. They asked for the house to be painted grey with blue shutters. I will never forget driving up the driveway for our first summer weekend and seeing a big blue house looming above. A big blue house with grey shutters, of course. My 3 year old sisters and I were delighted. How much cooler could a house be? My parents, on the other hand, were not happy at all. But they saw how happy we were and they left it blue. The last time I went up to Yulen was about two years ago, and the house was still blue. That blue house gave my sisters and I a lot of happiness, and in turn gave my parents happiness.

What did I learn from this? What have I taken with me? When life screws with you, just be accommodating because happiness will prevail.

The Lives We Live

There is something special and rare about feeling good enough. I grew up in an area of the country where bringing what you had to offer to the table was never valued unless you were better than every single other person at that table. I grew up in a competitive world where you have to get to the top to even be considered moderately successful. My mind has always worked differently than that. I have always considered happiness to be the most important thing in life. Falling in love with your own life over and over every single day is a goal that I believe we should all strive for. This summer, that goal was achieved.

I've always been good at being a big fish in a small pond. When I went off to college, because I had been a big fish in some aspects of high school everyone assumed that I would totally be able to handle a college with five different campuses that thousands of people attended. I was very quickly lost in the shuffle. So I transferred to a smaller school and into a smaller program and thrived as the big fish. Now I live in New York City, which is a hard place to live. Its not the most friendly city in the world, and everyone is there to climb a ladder of sorts. To be the top person in their career. I mean, to even afford to live in New York City, you have to make a ton of money. The average rent in NYC is doubled the average rent in the United States. Actually I just made that up but go with it. I hate living here. It's dirty and rough and not focused on the things I value.

This summer I found a place that is focused on what I care about. Its a small sleep away camp up on Cape Cod where silliness is applauded, kindness is key, laughter is encouraged, and individuality is celebrated. The values that are taught are the values that I have always had. Be nice to people, don't be afraid to be your best "you," caring is cool except for when it comes to caring about what others think of you, and how to not judge people for being their best "selfie."

I was talking to my dad towards the end of the summer and he said that I've always had a tough time making friends. I'm quick to talk and to let people in but those are not qualities that are normally seen as cool. They can be seen as desperate, which isn't something that I am. But that supposed desperation can drive people away. I just like being friendly. This summer I found people who were willing to accept me for who I am, but not to take advantage of what I have to offer. Just to appreciate it and celebrate it. If camp can make a counselor feel that good about themselves, imagine what it does for the campers! The example shown by each and every one of my co-workers was a positive one, creating an accepting and loving environment for everyone no matter what their ages. No matter what their background. I think this summer was the most important of my life. It taught me that there are places where I am good enough. Where everyone is good enough.

I went away this summer thinking that I would come back with a ton of great stories for this blog. But writing this post was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Camp is a weird and special place that only other people who have been to camps will understand. Its a place where an hour feels like a day, a week feels like a month, and 7 weeks feel like a lifetime, yet the summer feels like it went by in a second. It's a place where relationships are cultivated and special because people don't put on a front at camp. Many of the campers say that they genuinely like themselves best at camp, and I have to agree. Now that I am back I can already feel myself retreating a bit. Hiding my emotions more and trying to gain more control over my personality. But I know that if I figure out a way to bring camp with me, I can be the person I was this summer forever. And I hope that happens.